Murphy's sex laws

- Nothing improves with age.

- Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

- When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

- Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

- The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.

- When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.

- Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.

- Sow your wild oats on Saturday night - Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

- It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

- Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

- You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.

- Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.

- Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.

- Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.

- Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.

- Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.